且行且珍惜 (節錄)
Author: Han Zhu (China)
Jan 2001
Reposted from The Moon's Sky
Hello every one. I am a fairly open and lively girl. For some unknown reason, I become blue when writing. Maybe it is because I belong to the Pisces. I like Zhao Wei for a long time. For me, I would like to call her sister because her kindness and passion give me an untold familiarity. I like her laugh best, brilliant and not factitious; I also like her tears, pure and heartfelt. Perhaps, it is because the personalities of the roles she played are similar to mine; perhaps, it is
her clear and bright eyes make me fell for her involuntarily. Time is flying, world is changing, and I am more faithful to her. I want to cherish her crystal-liked heart...
Without too much thinking, I can only say something superficially and simply. What do I want to write? I put down my pen without writing a word. My heart is piled with millions of words which I cannot say in order. Who can recognize, know and understand the feeling of speechlessness? I don't want to leave too many sad spirits, so I pick up the brightest and fairest pearl from my memory.
"...I haven't experienced such feeling. In my passionate pursuit, I have a vigorous feeling. The wonder and the beauty is not the untouchable rainbow in the sky or the untouchable moon in the water, but is the smell and the scene of the spring, the harmony and the mildness of nature. Apart from all these, there is also passion, and a wonderful feeling that I myself cannot grasp. Although she might not notice, although she was confused, although she did not have the same memory that touched me in that evening, still I want to devote to her without thinking, to laugh with her, to cry with her, to make her happy and to make her strong. I want to hold the blue and clear sky with her and see her laughing without hesitation...
So crazy, so bold, so presumptuous, it's a kind of freedom. Maybe it just shows my nature. Maybe this is what I deeply hoped. Yes, I indeed have undoubtedly melted her with my life. Like kite fated in advance. It has life in itself. She likes a projector, carved an inerasable mark in my world, and I would like to be a pass-by in her life, even if I can only fleet in her sky. In the past, I swore to be her good friend, shared her bitterness and sadness, longed for her reply and
her photo, wished I could be with her... When I taste all these today, the taste is the same, or even becomes denser and more fragrant. A kind of appreciation, a profound one, a heart-break one, no matter what, I am "greedy" to pursue, despite how high of the sky and how broad of the earth.
My happy, exciting, crazy heart was refrigerated after hearing "When asked her feeling after gaining fame, Zhao Wei mused for a while, and then tears dropped from her eyes". My heart broke and my happiness disappeared without trace. I used to expect everyone to love her as I did; I used to expect everyone was as carefree as she was; I used to
expect people could sense her pain and tears, anxiety and bitterness, which were hidden behind her splendid smiles; I used to expect to help her holding a blue sky with my little strength, to bring her more joy, more confidence. But maybe those were all extravagant expectations. As she cried, I felt tired, so tired...
When I passed a bridge, my eyes blurred. Zhao Wei's song seemed to describe my feeling: "Say that I still stand under the bridge, waiting for her..." "I write and write. Every word drives me crazy. I put the letter in a bottle, and drop it into the sea. A letter a day. Let the god to arrange, no matter my letters-in-bottle would return by the sea..."
In fact, my tears were unnecessary, because she was so strong and there were so many friends who loved her deeply, as deeply as I did. Whatever happened, she appears to smile as she used to. How can I cry? I promise to be happy and try my best! How can I fulfill the promise with this weakness?
Now is going to be past. Crazy, infatuation, heartbreak, and swear will carry on forever. At present, she's holding another fans meeting, and I put my palms together to wish her happy. Her beauty is an undoubted eternity. I am glad for those friends who can meet her, because I hope that they are as pure-hearted as I am. Wish this love last forever, despite of the drying of the sea, the decay of the rocks, the explosion of the sky, and the split of the earth!! That was my feeling a year ago, but every feeling was so real. I want to share, to treasure and say the following sentence with my friends...
"Go Ahead And Take Care!"
Translated by Paul Wang (China)
Edited by Alice (Hong Kong)
