---Selected From Entertainer Workshop, Guangzhou Daily
我不知道我是誰
Author: Long Ying-chun
(Imitation of Vicki Zhao's tone)
Sometimes I think, life is really at ease and random. As if I stretch out my hand in a Beijing snowy winter, there is a tiny flake of snow swirling and falling in my palm, entirely transparent, then gradually thaws away.
I, just like that snowflake, fell down exactly into Auntie Chiung-yao's palm. When I threw away all the taboos and troubles, I burst into laughing, but I found, the world has been totally changed. In Chiung-yao's story, which was inspired by a well-known location named "Princess Grave", I turned into another girl. She was living in the Forbidden City, with a heart of populace. I was called " Little Swallow". Swallow is a creature you can only catch a sight at countryside. They carry bits of earth in their bills to build their nests; they fly slimly and gracefully over the farm fields in spring. The spotlights focus on me and they follow me anywhere I go like my shadow. I become the focus of millions people's attention.
Flowers, applauses and fortunes tidally surged to me and almost made me suffocated. My college life, like the clouds in the sky, has gone with the wind. In those past days, I would have crystal-clear water splashing on my shoulders, and I would be staring at the sunshine until he appears from faraway, smiling at me, so I would run to him, and go through the crowds with him, hand in hand, I would have a bite of ice cream or enjoy a stick of mutton. I had not been focused at that time. I was still a pretty big-eyes girl, who was absorbed in my romance. Just like the pretty character by Zhang Zhi-yi. Wind saw her running over hill and dale to her lover. During those romantic days, I could not predict that my romance would be spread wildly like an infectious pestilence. My personal love story became a "legend" that attracted people's attention. They searched the legend as what Luo Da-you's lyrics said, " faint whispers in the world of human, following up with our legend". That was just a "legend", never a beautiful trace in the wind; it became a reality that I could never successfully escape from. No. I even dare not expose a single teardrop, under those SPOTLIGHTS! I was afraid that my tearstains would be enlarged to a messy stain that spread into my relevant "legend".
But till the end, I need to cry, I need to love. Fortunately, I can be alive in the body of my character, to cry and to love. In this love story, I fall in love with a professional killer in Ming Dynasty. Now, as a sword girl "Lu Jian-ping", I start my new life. Among the boundless reed marshes, Shui Ruo-han was flying up and down just like a crane dancing in the wind. I stay distally; cannot tear my eyes away from him. The coldness of his sword shoots into my heart. His posture is so graceful, but also desolate. The tears for my fate in real life and created story, both I can hardly control, are blurring my eyes. Who am I? For whom I am living? For whom I will die? For whom I feel sad? For whom I feel joyful?
Translated by Atat (USA) and edited by Alice (Hong Kong)
